The Power of Consequences, Not Punishment

When an athletic administrator deals with student-athlete discipline, it is important to use the word “consequence” instead of “punishment.” The word punishment has a negative connotation, and it often leads to a “fight or flight” response in athletes, especially at the middle and high school levels. When chastised in front of their peers, an athlete’s embarrassment can escalate the situation, working against the goal of behavior control. Coaches should handle behavioral issues discreetly, away from the eyes and ears of the team, unless the behavior is so egregious it requires immediate public attention.

The word “punishment” can make athletes, and even parents, feel guarded and defensive. This often results in a meeting full of lies and challenges, where athletes may say, “I did not do it,” or “You cannot prove it.” Instead, a discipline meeting should be calm and conversational. The coach should greet the athlete calmly and with positive connection, even using small talk to ease any tension.

A suggested script for a coach would be to start with a friendly greeting and positive comment about the athlete’s performance before transitioning to the behavioral concern. For example, a coach could say, “Hey, I liked how you played last weekend. You are doing some good things for us,” before asking the athlete to share their thoughts about a specific incident. When the athlete is honest, the coach should thank and respect them for their honesty. By framing the disciplinary action as a consequence for their behavior—an opportunity for them to learn from their actions—the coach can then deliver the consequence calmly. The conversation should end with more small talk to put the issue behind them.

While outcomes may vary, the most important message for coaches is to remain calm, be friendly, and avoid using the word “punishment.” This approach turns a discipline meeting into a chance for education rather than accusation. The author, Rory Weishaar, is a professor and former athletic director who draws on his experience to emphasize the value of this approach to student-athlete discipline.