For Parents: How to Navigate the Transition When College Graduates Move Back Home
In today’s uncertain economy, with student debt mounting and job prospects limited, many recent college graduates are finding themselves moving back home. While some may see it as a temporary solution to save money, others may return home seeking the comfort and support of family. Regardless of the reasons, the dynamics between parents and their adult children can shift significantly, requiring careful navigation of new boundaries.
To help make this transition smoother, here are some practical tips for both parents and graduates.
Establish Clear Expectations Early
Parents and their adult children should avoid falling into old family roles. Richard Ramos, a parenting trainer, emphasizes that parents should shift from being authority figures to mentors. “Move from manager to mentor,” he advises, offering guidance without controlling. Parents should keep their homes as launching pads rather than comfortable landing spots for adult children.
For graduates, showing appreciation and contributing to the household is key. Asking before assuming is a sign of maturity. “You’re still under your parents’ roof,” Ramos reminds graduates, so respecting the space they’ve created for you is important.
Set Up Specific Guidelines
Clear and agreed-upon boundaries are essential for harmony. Veronica Lichtenstein, a counselor, shares how she and her son created a “living contract” that outlined everything from chores to quiet hours. This collaborative approach allows both parties to take ownership of the arrangement while ensuring mutual respect. Lichtenstein advises emphasizing that living at home is a temporary and goal-oriented situation, such as saving money for a set period.
Clarify Shared Resources and Responsibilities
Amy McCready, a parenting expert, stresses the importance of setting expectations around shared resources, such as cars. Using “when-then” phrasing can keep things respectful. For instance, “When your responsibilities are done, then the car is available,” helps keep things clear and direct.
When conflicts arise, McCready advises pausing to ask, “Are we interacting like we did when they were 17?” Resetting expectations is essential.
Handle Special Guests with Care
Parents should decide their stance on overnight visits by their adult children’s partners. If overnight guests aren’t welcome, it’s perfectly acceptable to set that boundary. Being clear upfront helps avoid misunderstandings. If guests will be staying, parents may request advance notice to prepare.
Be Supportive Without Solving Their Problems
Eric Wood, a director at Texas Christian University, reminds parents not to criticize or act like their graduate is a problem. Returning home can be a source of embarrassment for the graduate, especially in light of the current job market. Wood stresses that parents should offer support but avoid trying to solve everything for them. The focus should be on helping them find a path to long-term career success, rather than rushing into any job.
By maintaining mutual respect, setting clear boundaries, and keeping communication open, parents and their children can make the transition of moving back home more manageable for everyone involved.